dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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