I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
