Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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