Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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