I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize