Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
