good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
