You just made me feel so damn special
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
