There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize