im six kinds of drunk right now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
