And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
