Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize