you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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