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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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