you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My penis needs a shock collar
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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