Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
