Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
