I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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