things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
