Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
