I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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