The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
