Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
