so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're like the curious george of whores
Houston, we have a squirter
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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