youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
