I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
