You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I AM VODKA MAN
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
