What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
