It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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