I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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