...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
