That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
