the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she told me i tasted like america
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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