my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A bitchslap is in order.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
