I just pynch a tree in the face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
