Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
