She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
