Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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