you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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