i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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