My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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