I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
