he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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