OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
