I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
