Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
