After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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