Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
