DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
