Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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