Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
