I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
