Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
