My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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