I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
