He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
