You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
