Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
