I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
