I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
