yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
