I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He has the fingertips of a God
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