I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
