i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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