I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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