you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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