youre lurking in front of me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
