What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
